walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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