yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think im going to throw up on grandma
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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