Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
