you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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