I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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