i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
