I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
