I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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