I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
