i'm signing you up for texting rehab
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
