Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
