hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
