Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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