By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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