Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
