i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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