im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
