I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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