Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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