i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
