he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
