don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
