Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
nutella sex= disaster
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
