ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
