Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
