Porn is love you can see.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
