yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
