Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
