Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
