you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When are your genitals available?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
