So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
