you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
