I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
