If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
