she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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