this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
