if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
