Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
