I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
