I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
