The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
