Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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