somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
