i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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