I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
