I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My vagina just recognized that song.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
