Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
