You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
