I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
