the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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