do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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