I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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